You Are My Sunshine

     Our Social opened with 20 women sitting around a table for “Meet and Greet with Paula:  Share a Memory” after they just finished 10:15 Aromatherapy.  I couldn’t decide if I was thankful for the nerve calming lavender aroma or worried that we’d all fall asleep.  After I introduced myself, I explained how every time l learned something new about my mom, I would say “Why didn’t I know that”, and she would reply, “You never asked”, and that I was there for some good old fashioned kitchen table talk.  One woman yelled out, “You can go ahead and ask! Oh boy do I have stories!” They all laughed in perfect agreement, and at that moment the room lit up and the conversation flowed. 

     At some of these connections, depending on input from the Activity Director, we have “Show and Tell”, and participants bring a pic or memento from their room and explain to us why it’s important to them, where they were at the time, who is in the picture.  On this particular day, it was suggested that we forgo this activity, and we discussed that in the group.  There was a definite sadness over their loss of personal memorabilia.  When they moved into smaller residences, they couldn’t bring all of their things.  “I used to have so many albums.  I don’t know where they are now." It resonated with me because I heard my own mother lament over the loss of her things when we packed up her house and put much of her history in a storage unit.  She was deprived of her nostalgia, when she could have spent her last years remembering through pictures, handwritten notes and sheet music. As far as I know, many of her things still sit in cardboard boxes in a garage somewhere. I implore families to consider this before feng shuing someone else’s belongings. 

     Fun fact:  When they introduced themselves, almost all of them included their birth order in their family.  The oldest children all loved being the boss and still do (their words!), and the babies admitted to being spoiled.  When I introduce myself, I never say I’m the baby of the family, but maybe that’s because I was the baby of the family by nine years, and to be honest, it's always been the tale of two families. 

     They showed me their wit. “I had ten brothers and sisters, but I was the only one born at Brooklyn College Hospital. So I tell people I was the only child that came out educated."

     They showed me their emotion.  One woman didn’t join in at first.  She said she didn’t have too many good memories, as her parents weren’t well off. But when she felt at ease, she shared that she remembered that across the street lived an Italian man they all called Grandpa.  He had four sons in the service: one died, and three came home.  “The day they came home that man brought out all the wine and the Italian food you can think of.  The street was closed on both ends.  He gave us the biggest party any of us had ever seen.  He was so very proud of his sons being Americans." She ended her story by saying, “I guess I do have some good memories.” 

     They showed me their fun side.  I shared how we used to play kickball in the street on Brighton Ave in Belleville, and if the ball went on a particular neighbor’s lawn who shall remain nameless mostly because I can’t remember his name, we knew we weren’t getting the ball back until someone’s dad came home and traipsed over there for us. This prompt caused the group to erupt in a chorus of games and activities of yesteryear. Common themes:  Playing outside in the summer until dark.  “When that light came on, it was time to go home! See you tomorrow everybody!”. Chinese Checkers and Canasta.  Trips for ice cream with Grandma and Grandpa.  “I do have so many good memories.  I just don’t think about them a lot”. 

“I love music, I love dancing, and I love singing, but I don’t do any of that anymore.”  Well, this one was something I could fix.  

“I’ll play piano, and you sing,” I offered.  

“But I’ll be off key,” she protested. 

“That’s okay.  I hit wrong notes all the time. Just ask my piano teacher.”

Cue the banjo because she broke into singing “You Are My Sunshine” and suddenly twenty guests plus Paula were singing, clapping, and tapping our feet.  Did you know there’s more than one verse?  THEY did, and they sang all of them.  I looked around the room, took in the excitement and joy, and I just thought to myself "this is everything I prayed it could be."