No More Elderspeak, Honey

  Have you ever called an older adult “Honey? Ever asked “How are we feeling today, 'dear'?” You might think they are terms of endearment, but maybe it’s not being so well received. Heads up that it has a name:  Elderspeak.  

  I met “Helen”, who is 101 years of age, at a Meals on Wheels event.   (I’m calling her “Helen” after Helen Mirren, the 79-year-old actress who mesmerizes us on the Yellowstone spin-off, “1923”.)  This woman didn’t actually look like her, nor was she wearing those cool sneakers that Ms. Mirren wears to her red-carpet events, but I think visualizing Helen Mirren will help me make my point so play along.  It was my first time meeting My Helen, and we were getting to know each other over a cup of coffee when an aide walked by and said, “How are we today, Sweetie?”.  My Helen leaned into me and said “I wish I could tell her I don’t like when she calls me that.  I barely know her.  I don’t like it very much”. BAM. It made an impact on me. Fast forward to when I discovered an article from KFF Health News via the John A. Hartford Foundation re Elderspeak entitled “Honey, Sweetie, Dearie:  The Perils of Elderspeak".

  Elderspeak is a simplified speech that sounds like baby talk: Simpler vocabulary, sometimes with a higher pitch, and often using a collective pronoun such as “we”.  For example, “We’re going to have lunch now”. Oh? Are you dining together? Hope you’re picking up the check. It can be a patronizing way of speaking to older adults as if they were children. I had seen it used with my parents, and it was pure cringe.

  Let’s get back to Helen Mirren.  If you saw her walking the streets of New York, would you go up to her, lean in and slowly say “H-E_L_L-O, Honey, are weeee out for a walk?” in high register baby talk? I wouldn’t.  She looks wiry. You’d probably reference her performance in a movie or compliment her fashion sense. (Fun fact: Her ensemble at the 2025 Cannes Film Festival made me swoon).  You wouldn’t disrespect Helen Mirren. She’s fabulous. So, let’s not disrespect the older adults in our lives. They’re fabulous too. 

  I asked My Helen, and she was not shy to advise:  If you know my name, use it.  If you don't, start with a good old-fashioned 'Ma'am'. It's just polite." Let me know what you think.